i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
