Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
