Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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