i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
