Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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