lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize