Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
