If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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