It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
