I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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