There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize