You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
