First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
