Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
