Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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