i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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