You're my little dorito
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
