you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
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