so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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