I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
