i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he puts the penis in happiness.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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