how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
