Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
