In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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