i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
this hospital has no fireball
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
