you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
