We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You left your underwear on the fireplace
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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