Having a random hookup so left but love u
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
