my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
