Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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