**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize