my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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