Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
