you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
