the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
