Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
