Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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