one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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