dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
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