I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
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I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
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Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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