I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
