Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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