There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
