this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
