Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
