i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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