and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
