and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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