the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
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