she smelled like a LAN party
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
