Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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