i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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