i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
