Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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