My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
