Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Come share oat with me in your robe
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize