I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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