at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
