It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize