Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
3pm strippers are depressing
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
