I love black thongs
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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