You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
