nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
