You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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