I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
