I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
